Deflated

Jag känner mig som en popped balloon. Vi gick som sagt på mässan One Life på Olympia och där jag hade hoppats på inspiration och nya ideer kände jag mig bara tillplattad. Som jag sa till Mark på vägen dit, mitt problem är att det finns för många coacher och för få kunder. Coaching har liksom inte slagit än på samma sätt som andra områden.

Jag hade hoppats på att finna företag på mässan som funkar som agenturer för coacher, dvs de är ett brand name som drar in stora kontrakt och sedan jobbar man som konsult för detta företag. Men icke. Allt som fanns om coaching var antingen coach training eller så kallade one man bands.

När jag först började fundera på det här med Life Coaching var jag väldigt realistisk och mitt mål var inte nödvändigtvis att jobba enkom som coach. Sedan har jag blivit mer och mer taggad och skruvat upp förväntningarna och börjat filosfera mer och mer på att jag faktiskt vill byta helt och inte jobba som sekreterare/assistent alls.

Nu vet jag inte. Jag tror jag är tillbaka till att jag kör vidare som sekreterare, går kursen och blir accrediterad som Life Coach och sedan kör jag Life Coaching vid sidan av mitt dagliga jobb. Det blir som en dyr hobby. Dyr för att jag kommer betala £4000 för kursen men jag vet inte om jag nånsin kommer komma till en situation där jag faktiskt kan ta betalt för mina tjänster. Nåväl, jag får väl se det som personlig utveckling för mig. Jag är intresserad och tycker att det är roligt, och så får vi se vart det leder.

Sen stötte jag på problem med min hyresgäst. Jag har två månaders uppsägningstid men min köpare vill ha tillgång till lägenheten den dag vi har completion vilket beräknas till 12 April. Det betyder att jag ger henne 6 veckor istället för 8. Jag erbjöd henne därför 4 veckor gratis boende, men hon tvärvägrade. Med tanke på att hon med lätthet kan hitta en ny lägenhet inom 3 -4 veckor var jag övertygad om att hon skulle gå med på det. Vem vill inte bo gratis en månad liksom?! (Hon betalar £600 så det är hyfsat mycket.)

Men nej. Det var ingen diskussion om saken. Hon sa bara “Non.” (Hon är fransyska.) Jag försökte förklara min situation, dvs i och med den fallande marknaden vi har just nu i England så är köparen i en strong position att droppa priset dan innan completion och vad ska jag göra då liksom? Visst, det finns fler köpare, men i och med att lägenheten är som den är behöver jag en speciell sorts köpare; någon som kan ta osäkerheten med att vi är mitt i processen att köpa freeholdet vilket innebär att en räkning på vad som helst mellan £5000 – £15000 kommer komma när som helst inom 6 månader till 2 år. Någon som har råd att renovera den från topp till tå, re-wiring, ny centralvärme, nytt kök, nytt badrum osv osv.

Nåväl. Inte mycket jag kan göra åt saken. Om köparen droppar priset får jag väl besluta mig för då hur jag ska göra. Och har jag tur flyttar hon ut tidigare. Hon har ju lagen på sin sida så det är inte mycket jag kan göra.

Anyway, dags att lägga sig i Mark’s knä i soffan.

The best things in life are free?

No. Quite simply. Thereby I’m not saying that the best things in life are expensive, no not at all.Thing is, hardly anyhing is free.

Nothing beats a hot bath after a long day. Well that assumes you have a house to live in with a bathtub in it. Either rented or owned. It also assumes you have hot water.

A stroll in the park. Well yes, that is free. However, again, if you don’t have a house and some basic security I don’t think that stroll in the park is as desirable. If the park is your home then a stroll around it might not be as terapeutic as it is for someone who lives elsewhere.

Going to bed in clean, crisp bedlinen. Again, assumes you have a home and a washing machine.

Happiness and pleasure comes from outlook. You can be poor as anything but happy because you have a positive outlook and you know to appreciate the little pleasures in life.

At the same time you can be rich and very unhappy. However, that doesn’t say you can’t be rich and happy or poor and unhappy. If you have the right attitude and way of looking at things then you will feel good and be happy regardless of your financial situation.

Personally I’d rather take a hot bath in a nice luxury bathroom, have warm fluffy towels waiting and be able to pour nice oils into the water.

Or take a stroll dressed in a pair of nice wellies and a warm jacket. Then go for a nice and hearty meal in a nearby pub.

Or going to bed in 400 threadcount percale cotton. Dressed in a nice nightie and have a warm goosedown duvet.

Appreciating lifes little pleasures is the most important thing to remember and the ones who are truly happy do just that.

Smack children?

I was listening to an old podcast from LBC with Alison Bell. She was talking about the issue of smacking children as a form of discipline or not. She said that she had been smacked as a child and it didn’t do her any harm, and many callers said the same.  I think there was a higher percentage being pro smacking than against, but one that was against really said it well;

“I wouldn’t smack my wife, why on earth would I smack my children?”

Another caller was a woman who has been working with children for 20 odd years and her views were very interesting. One thing she pointed out was that when you smack, that is because you have lost your temper, and how can you guarantee that you aren’t hitting the child too hard if you’ve lost your temper? You shouldn’t lose your temper with children full stop, but as we all know they can be a bit of a handful sometimes. However, it doesn’t matter how unruly they are, don’t lose your temper. Discipline them, yes, absolutely, but don’t smack them.

Children do as we do, not as we say. By smacking your child you are saying that it is ok to hit others. The child is too young to understand parent child relationship and that whilst mum will smack me if I do something wrong she will not smack the next person on the street if they do something wrong. They learn to see smacking and violence as something that is ok.

Children needs boundaries and they need to be disciplined. They don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong unless you tell them. That is the whole point, you need to clarify with words what is right behaviour and what is not acceptable. 

If your child is fiddling with the dvd-player and you tell them off and explain why they are not allowed to play with the dvd-player they will eventually understand and also apply that on other electrical goods such as the tv or stereo. You might have to tell them ten times, but they will get intelligent knowledge from it and they understand WHY they cannot fiddle with it.

If you smack them when they fiddle with the dvd they will quicker learn that dvd = smack, ok, I just won’t fiddle with the dvd. But they will not link the dvd with the tv and they will not understand why they get a smack for fiddling with the tv as well. It will be “stupid” knowledge and you aren’t teaching the child right from wrong. All you are teaching them is dvd = smack = pain = I won’t do it when mum’s watching. They may still do it when you aren’t watching because as said before, they don’t see it as wrong.

Alison was saying her mum used to chase her around the house with a wooden spoon. She very rarely actually got hit by the spoon, but as she HAD been once, she knew the pain and that was enough to make her behave. I like the theory behind that, it is a little bit like SuperNanny’s Naughty Step. It is something we “threat” the child with in order to make it behave and understand what is ok behaviour.

The difference is that Naughty Step is a place for contemplating why you are there and time to understand what it was you did wrong so you don’t do it again. The wooden spoon just instils fear and does not make you think about why you are being punished. You may even resent your parents for punishing you if you don’t understand why they are doing it and you lose the respect for them.

It was a very interesting podcast and it certainly got me thinking. Child upbringing is not an easy subject.

To love life

I met up with an old friend last night. We had some nibbles and drinks at a pub in Clapham and she told me about her kids.

The oldest is doing well, the middle one is doing well although perhaps a bit solemn in her behaviour but the youngest one is a bliss. She is 15, has got a boyfriend and is growing up fast. She loves her school, she loves her hobbies and she is truly enjoying life. My friend looked so full of life and sparkly when she spoke about her youngest, how she loves her life and enjoys it to the full.

It was so inspiring to hear and her words has stayed with me for some time. I felt a sting of jealousy, I was never in love with life when I was that age, I wish I could feel like that now.

That’s when it hit me; of course I can. I can do anything I want and if I want to be sparkly, full of life and enjoy it, I just have to go ahead and do it. It’s all about your outlook. Believe it and it is.

Bye for now – I’m off to enjoy life. I think you should do the same. x

Beauty v Intelligence

What would you choose if you had to pick either beautiful or intelligent? I would, without hesitation, pick beautiful, for one simple reason;

If you’re intelligent then you also understand that you may not be the prettiest of flowers, but if you’re gorgeous but a bit dumb then you are quite happy as you are – you don’t realise yourself that you aren’t the brightest of sparks but you probably know you are pretty. You get all the friends and attention you can ask for without too much effort.

Add to that the fact that men prefer beautiful but slightly less intelligent women and the choice is very simple.

Or the fact that beautiful people get better jobs. A newspaper sent two women with identical CV’s (all fake, solely for the purpose of this test) to a recruitment agency and one was slim and beautiful the other was chubby with a not ugly but plain face. They were both dressed the same.

One got an interview there and then, the other was sent home with the words “We’ll call you.”

This was obviously not a scientific test as it only involved two women and one recruitment agency, but I would not be surprised if this was rather common. It’s sad.