Snotty nose

Mmm… not the most comfortable of states to be in. However, I guess I shouldn’t complain as I’m rarely ill. I get the odd cold here and there and the odd tummybug, but on the whole I’m quite well actually.

I have been listening to more podcasts of Alison Bell and I must say she is one of my favourites now. She’s perfect for the commute in to work and back home again.

One of the ”Ask Alison Dilemma” was a girl whose best (male) friend was getting married. She was also friends with the bride-to-be but she was better friends with the groom. She didn’t want to go to the hen-party but the stag-do instead because the hens would jsut gofor massages and pampering and then a tea party in the afternoon whereas the boys were going out drinking and clubbing. The bloke said that was fine but the girl wasn’t too impressed.

The question was, what should she do? Go to the stag and upset the bride or go to the hen-do and be bored?

I’d say it’s easy; it’s not your wedding, don’t be selfish. Go to the hen-do and be bored, alternatively don’t go to either. If the bride doesn’t want you at the stag, for whatever reason, then don’t go.

I do agree that it sounds suspect that the bride doesn’t want her there, surely, the groom would be the one to object, if anyone? It does sound like the bride is jealous and I agree with what some callers said, if the bride doesn’t trust her husband-to-be then she may have more trouble in store than his best (female) mate wanting to go to the stag-do, but that’s a different matter. I think from the girl’s point of view whether she should go or not it has to be not to go. She should respect the bride who’s after all the main character.

I also don’t understand the husband, how come he didn’t say no? Surely the idea of a stag-do is to not have any girls (at least none you know!) there? A night out for the boys to play. I certainly wouldn’t want any boys at my hen-do if I had one.

Smack children?

I was listening to an old podcast from LBC with Alison Bell. She was talking about the issue of smacking children as a form of discipline or not. She said that she had been smacked as a child and it didn’t do her any harm, and many callers said the same.  I think there was a higher percentage being pro smacking than against, but one that was against really said it well;

“I wouldn’t smack my wife, why on earth would I smack my children?”

Another caller was a woman who has been working with children for 20 odd years and her views were very interesting. One thing she pointed out was that when you smack, that is because you have lost your temper, and how can you guarantee that you aren’t hitting the child too hard if you’ve lost your temper? You shouldn’t lose your temper with children full stop, but as we all know they can be a bit of a handful sometimes. However, it doesn’t matter how unruly they are, don’t lose your temper. Discipline them, yes, absolutely, but don’t smack them.

Children do as we do, not as we say. By smacking your child you are saying that it is ok to hit others. The child is too young to understand parent child relationship and that whilst mum will smack me if I do something wrong she will not smack the next person on the street if they do something wrong. They learn to see smacking and violence as something that is ok.

Children needs boundaries and they need to be disciplined. They don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong unless you tell them. That is the whole point, you need to clarify with words what is right behaviour and what is not acceptable. 

If your child is fiddling with the dvd-player and you tell them off and explain why they are not allowed to play with the dvd-player they will eventually understand and also apply that on other electrical goods such as the tv or stereo. You might have to tell them ten times, but they will get intelligent knowledge from it and they understand WHY they cannot fiddle with it.

If you smack them when they fiddle with the dvd they will quicker learn that dvd = smack, ok, I just won’t fiddle with the dvd. But they will not link the dvd with the tv and they will not understand why they get a smack for fiddling with the tv as well. It will be “stupid” knowledge and you aren’t teaching the child right from wrong. All you are teaching them is dvd = smack = pain = I won’t do it when mum’s watching. They may still do it when you aren’t watching because as said before, they don’t see it as wrong.

Alison was saying her mum used to chase her around the house with a wooden spoon. She very rarely actually got hit by the spoon, but as she HAD been once, she knew the pain and that was enough to make her behave. I like the theory behind that, it is a little bit like SuperNanny’s Naughty Step. It is something we “threat” the child with in order to make it behave and understand what is ok behaviour.

The difference is that Naughty Step is a place for contemplating why you are there and time to understand what it was you did wrong so you don’t do it again. The wooden spoon just instils fear and does not make you think about why you are being punished. You may even resent your parents for punishing you if you don’t understand why they are doing it and you lose the respect for them.

It was a very interesting podcast and it certainly got me thinking. Child upbringing is not an easy subject.